Friday, September 21, 2012

Emotional Week

On Sunday we found out that a friend of the family passed away. A young guy, who only lived a short life. I kept sobbing for his Mother. She lost her baby. The youngest of 3 boys, who are all very close. A mother. Lost her baby. I can not fathom the pain that she is feeling, and will continue to endure. I kept waiting, hoping, praying to hear that it wasn't true. From Sunday until Wednesday evening it was all I could think about. Every time I kissed, hugged, played with my baby I thought of her. Many tears were shed. I tried to think of why God would take him from his family. There must be a reason. He always does things for a reason. Then Wednesday evening I drove to the viewing to pay my respects and hug the family. Justin stayed home with Mira since it was quite a drive and later in the evening. There was not a dry eye in the room, and you could feel the families pain. I had no words to say, just hugs to give and tears to share. It was really true. I saw him laying there. She lost her baby. As I was driving home, I called Justin to let him know I was stuck in construction traffic and would be there soon. Mira wanted to talk, so I told her I was on my way. We've been watching Daniel Tigers Neighborhood a lot lately, and there's an episode where they teach about Mommy and Daddy coming back when they take you to school or go out on a date and leave you with a sitter. They sing a song called, "Grown-ups Come Back".  As soon as I told her that I would be there soon she sang that song to me. I choked back my tears as we ended our call, and couldn't help but think that what if I didn't come home some day. Like Ethan never made it home Sunday morning. I was sobbing over the thought of how sad my baby would be if her Mommy didn't make it home. When I got home, it was time for bed. I was squeezing her extra tight that's for sure. She was really sweet, and wanted to wrap her arms around my neck and hug me while saying her prayers. She thanked God for our blessings, and prayed for Jill and Sam and Brianna. Thanked God for her family, our food, and asked him to keep us healthy and safe. She says, "hank you a bwessings" over and over when she's praying. I can't wait for the day that she truly knows what that means. We gave lots of kisses that night, like every night, and she and Daddy exchanged eskimo kisses, which she calls "mesiko" kisses. Tonight while tucking her in, she wanted to hug both Daddy and I during her prayers. She wrapped her arms around both of our necks, and said her sweet, sweet prayers.  Thank you God for our sweet amazing Miracle, and for the beautiful memories that we are making every day. Praying for the Day Family, as they mourn the loss of their sweet baby. May they feel God's loving arms around them daily, and may they find the peace and comfort they need to heal. I know they will celebrate Ethan's short life and share their happy memories with everyone!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Some days......

Some days, I wish that we lived in a fancier house.
Other days I could care less about fancy, and am grateful that we have house, with 4 walls, windows and a roof to protect us.

Some days, me and my girl go about our business like your normal average family.
Other days I sob constantly at the fact that God gave me this beautiful spunky child to nurture and love and I feel more than average! Down right special!

Some days, I get so impatient thinking about having a second baby. Annoyed at the people who can get pregnant whenever they want. Angry at the people who have babies and don't take care of them. Jealous of the people who miraculously get pregnant against the odds. Sad for my friends who have to go through the same feelings I do.
Other days, I'm reminded of God's perfect plan. How our patience paid off in more blessings than we could have ever imagined. How beautiful the child is that God created for us. Our perfect child. How abundantly blessed our journey to parenthood has been.

Some days, I forget I'm an adoptive Mommy.
Other days it's all I can think about. Really? God and Mira's Birth Mom trusted ME to take care of this child. I still pinch myself over our journey to become parents, and pray daily for our future children.

Some days, parenting is easy.
Other days are so dang frustrating that I can't wait until bedtime. I can't wait until I don't have to lay in Mira's room with her until she falls asleep, can't wait until I don't have to run to the potty with her, can't wait until I don't have to watch her every move so she doesn't get hurt. Then I realize how sad it will be when all those stages have passed. I will spend less time with her, and she will be independent.

Some days, I wish time could stand still.